An 18 year old female explains how she turns to religion when she is afraid.

I am born Roman Catholic but do not attend Church on a regular basis. I would say I believe in God, whether this is because I was raised to do so or out of fear, I cannot tell. That’s a little frightening so I live my day to day life, I’d say, without God, although when I am in a seriously frightening or complicated situation I automatically find myself praying to God… but again, it may be out of habit. Maybe this is because I find comfort in believing that some greater being will get me out of a tight situation that I have no power over. I’d probably say I live in the moment, I don’t like to think too much of the future or after death because I inevitably can’t know.

Is the association between fear and God a primarily Catholic, or generically Christian phenomenon? With so many biblical and traditional threats of eternal consequences, it’s understandable that one may have these feelings of latent fear. She believes because she’s afraid not to believe, as she only turns to God in times of fear. This does not seem like the most positive relationship with religion.

Sorry for the long blog posting delay, but I am planning to continue Spiritual Youth to the best of my ability during the year.  Keep the responses and discussions rolling, don’t hesitate to spread the word and link your friends.

Best wishes to my readers, and continue to share your personal quests wherever you are, and wherever you are heading.

An 18 year old male questions his faith, and is reassured.

For most of my life, I have been a devout Catholic. I’ve been baptized, had my First Communion and Confirmation, going through all of the rights a Catholic would have gone through at this point. Over the past few years though, things have changed dramatically, and the spiritual side of me seems to fade away from time to time. I don’t attend Mass as often as I should, and haven’t been completely adhering to the Laws in the Bible. It is mostly because, over the years, the things I’ve seen and experienced have led me to greatly question my faith, namely the big one: how can God exist when there is so much suffering in the world? I couldn’t understand how God could allow people to suffer as much as they do, when they’ve done virtually nothing to deserve their pain.

I felt myself drifting away from religion altogether, which, strangely enough, didn’t bother me all the time. Every now and then, I would feel that I needed it to return, but it was usually just a passing thought. This predominantly happened around the summers of grades 10 and 11, when I was going through a particularly torturing (almost literally) time with some “friends” from elementary school. Anytime a person wants to hurt themselves, that is really the final way of showing that you question God’s existence.

Even after getting through these events, and moving on to better times, I still wondered how a God as good as He is proclaimed to be can allow things like this to happen to decent people. What I came to realize, though, is that the saying “it’s always darkest before dawn” can indeed be true. Those rough 2 years led me to find some great friends in grade 12, and since then, for the most part, things have been much better.

Things like this, or even smaller instances, such as two friends resolving a potentially “friendship-destroying” dispute (which has happened a couple of times now) have given me new eyes for religion. I am still not as devout as I once was, nor do I fully accept God’s existence, but instances in my life such as these have given me new hope that maybe God is really there, and that in the end, He will take care of everything. If anything, even if I don’t fully believe, I no longer doubt God’s existence, and am more open to Catholicism than I used to be.

Like previous responses, this contributor needed his own form of personal validation to be certain of his belief in God. When one is taught religion as a child, we are generally taught that God is great, almighty, and capable of doing anything. Eventually, as one gets older, they may discover that bad things occur. This may cause one to doubt and have a lapse in their faith. Like the story of Jacob who wrestles the angel and ultimately prevails, if one wrestles with religious doubt and uncertainty, and finds a reason to succeed, one’s faith will ultimately be stronger.

A 17 year old male expresses his experience regarding homosexuality and the Bible.

Well, as you know, I am gay, and I came out to my parents a while ago and they did not take it well. They gave me many anti-gay speeches, but the one that will stick out in my mind is this one.

I came home one day, I was in town visiting or something, I get in the door, and my parents said they wanted to talk to me and I knew exactly what it had to do with, and I hate those conversations with my parents because my mom cries, and my dad just pisses me off and makes me hate him even more. Now, I must point out that my parents have not attended a church service for a long time, and did not raise me religiously. But when the conversation started, they pulled out the Bible, and they had pages marked with Lottery Tickets (that just shows how religious they are), and the proceeded to read my several anti-gay quotes from the Bible and told me that it was wrong.

That has obviously twisted my view on God and the Bible. I personally believe the Bible is all fiction, and it has been translated so many times that is has lost its original meaning. I do not understand how people can live by the Bible, especially since it is extremely out dated to today’s morals. I think religion just adds to the many tensions in the world because of religious wars and discrimination.

I mean no disrespect to the parents, but it seems as if they are utilizing the text of the scripture as a means to justify their opposition to homosexuality. Instead of talking as a family, his parents are using the Bible as a shield to avoid dealing with their son directly as a person. If they were a deeply religious family, then their use of the Bible might have some validity. But they are not a religious family. (Lottery tickets in the Bible? Blasphemy!) I feel that turning the Bible into a club to beat some sense into their son to be hypocritical and inappropriate. It is not the religious text per se, but taking the religious text to extremes that initiates conflict.

A 17 year old male contributes his faith restoring story.

I used to go to school in England which was a school and a monastery as well, and it was Catholic. So everyone had to go to Mass every Sunday, even if they were non religious or of another religion. I’m a Muslim by birth, but I don’t practice religion in any way, but nonetheless I am a religious person because I strongly believe in God.

So we’re on our knees during the Eucharist (when the priest is talking about the body and blood of Christ), and my knees are really beginning to hurt so I’m really hoping that this would end soon. So as many of you may know, at those kind of moments when your knees hurt during the Eucharist (which goes on for about 15 mins), you wish you never had to worship or pray or anything like that.

I start thinking to myself, could God or Jesus really exist? How could they prove it? How could I prove it to myself? And I decide to test God, to prove himself. And even though it is clearly stated in the teachings that one must never put the Lord our God to the test, I decide to do it anyways out of mere attempt to amuse myself (while I was in mild pain in my knees). I look at one of the 20 monks that are standing near the alter and this is where the weirdness happened. I WANTED to say/think this “God, if you really exist, then make that priest pick his nose” and I was conscious of the thought that I wanted to think of. But before I actually “thought” of the phrase itself, to my huge amazement, I saw that the priest had very subtly lifted his arm and scratched his nose. I was in disbelief!!! I couldn’t believe it. And I hadn’t even phrased the thought properly in my head, but I knew what I wanted God to do. It was that quick. It just suddenly happened and I have to say, I was seriously blown away.

Now those of you reading this, who are more skeptical, right now may say that this is just a coincidence and its very insignificant. And yes, I admit that it is a very small “miracle”… no life was saved by this act of nose picking… it’s not something to write to the papers about… it’s not anything that I would talk wildly about. But nonetheless, it is still something – is it really a coincidence? Could it be that exactly at the time that I was thinking of that thought, the priest realized that his nose was itchy? Perhaps it is… but at the same time, perhaps it’s not. Of course it’s not a huge sign from God, which has caused me to change my life forever and become a very devout Catholic. But, personally for me, it is a little something that keeps my faith going… something that makes me think that there really may be someone/something greater out there.

This is a funny story displaying the transactional nature of prayer. Similar to previous posts this conception of ‘prayer and response’ is the defining attribute of faith for some people. Do we all need a form of personal proof or reassurance to accept faith? The wonder and mystery that are components of faith can reveal themselves through spectacular demonstrations or through mundane and simple occurrences like the monk “scratching” his nose. 

A 23 year old female shares her skepticism about external faith without faith in one’s self.

Other people’s beliefs always affect people whether we’re aware of the effects or not in our lives. As human beings, we become aware of ourselves at a young age as we begin to question everything including the questions that no one seems to have answers for. Why am I here? What is my purpose?… What happens to me after I die? Scary questions to children, but they remain frightening concepts as we become adults. The un-answerables that will remain so to even the wisest of us all because there is no proof beyond what one feels. So, as children, we must believe what others impress upon us lest we fall into the vast depression and anxieties that we would be bound to if we were to continue to question ourselves in such an unproductive manner. We are raised in accordance to these beliefs, rules that are enforced which is believed to be right according to our parents. Even as adults, it still shows through as how our morals have developed and how we perceive the world. Our faith in religion might change, but the impression of others’ beliefs will always remain so.

A spiritual event? Not so much. I had a stroke when I was in first grade that paralyzed my left side of my body. I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks and had tons of tests taken to see what they could do to help me. Then suddenly- *poof* It cleared up. It left some scarring on my brain, but ,all in all, I was cured. A month later, I head out to Christian Faith Center with my aunt and grandmother (mother’s side) to see Benny Hinn, live! I was just a kid and was thrilled about the indoor pool that was at our hotel. I loved to swim. In any case, we get there and my aunt (grandma stayed at the hotel due to headache) drags me up to the stage where there’s a building crowd of people who want to get up there with Benny Hinn. They’re all screaming about miracles and what not, but my aunt gets the attention of the bouncer. He lets us up on stage with a line of others and we wait for Benny Hinn to finish talking. He’s yelling “JESUS!!” and “THANK YOU LORD!” and “I FEEL HIS SPIRIT HERE TONIGHT!” while I’m tugging on my aunt’s arm because I want to go and sit back done. Benny Hinn goes down the line of people on stage, placing his hand on their foreheads and saying “I FEEL HIS PRESENSE!” and yadda yadda. Then they would fall over. Okay, I’m a little kid. I start to freak out because there’s this old guy making these people pass out and now I’m really bugging my aunt to sit back down. He finally gets to my aunty, who’s hyper-ventilating by now, and she faints. O.O!! I look up at Benny Hinn and I just want to kick him in his shin, but he puts his hand my forehead. “The Lord has given you a miracle, child! You have been healed!” and yadda yadda. He then ends it with “I FEEL HIS PRESSENSE!! HOLY SPIRIT!” and gives me a little push on my forehead.

…

I stand there, looking at him because he’s beyond weird at this point. Benny Hinn pauses and tries again. He puts his palm on my forehead and says “HOLY SPIRIT!!”, shoving me again.

…

I kinda wobble, but still stand, now irritated at this old fart. He pauses again before poking my damn forehead with two fingers, but this time I push back.

…

He takes the microphone from his mouth, covering it with his free hand, and leans down to talk in my ear. “Just get off the damn stage, kid.” True story.

I’ve come to believe that faith in another cannot be accomplished without faith in one’s self. Knowing yourself completely is the key to establishing one’s faith for once you know yourself inside and out, you effect the outside world rather than it effecting you. Confused? Well, if I ever lost faith in what I believe, I lose faith in myself. Re-establishing my faith is far simpler than I think it is for someone that loses faith in an outside source because once you have that understanding of what and who you are, confidence in yourself is almost unbreakable. Weak moments, maybe, but never broken. Understanding that I don’t need a purpose in order to have a meaning other than a meaning to myself is the greatest faith I have because, without that, I cannot bring myself to believe in others.

What are people like Benny Hinn actually doing? Perhaps they are channelling the internal spiritual feelings of the participant to emerge and manifest externally. In the respondent’s case, she lacked the concept of how she was supposed to act on Benny Hinn’s stage. This demonstrates an important aspect of the relationship between spirituality and religious practice. If you do not have an internal faith, then it will not emanate to the surface.

A 26 year old male expresses a very personal conception of the divine.

I guess I have lost faith in the world a lot you know. Religion is all about controlling ideas based around fear to get people to live out their lives in fear so others remain powerful. I do believe in god, I do believe people are generally good, but they cop out all the time saying they are mislead by an idea. People, if you want to find god it’s in your heart. You are god, you are as divine as any fabrication of the imagination. You are smart enough to figure it out and everyone stop lying to yourselves. Who are you trying to fool. You know you are, you’re just not brave enough to face up to the responsibility of being divine – too much hard work when there are so many shiny distractions around, and it feels good to act wrongly doesn’t it. I can also tell you a few things about that. People, we are human at the end of the day, and if you’re happy just fooling around then fine, be happy doing that. But if you want to get to know god then realise you’re going to have to face a lot of home truths about your life and that takes a lot of hard work. Can you handle being loved loving yourself and loving others, and figuring out what makes you happy. I’m on the cusp of a spiritual change once again. It’s been a couple of years since I have been connecting to god. I had some important lessons to learn. But I’m back on the path towards my higher self once again. I’m feeling lonely on this journey again, hit me back if anyone has anything real to say. Peace.

This respondent speaks about his search, deep within himself, to find a connection to the divine. He suggests that we are all divine. If God is reflected in each of us, are we all connected to one another through that divinity? Abrahamic tradition teaches that we are all created in God’s image. Some interpret this metaphor to mean physical image, while others understand it to refer to God’s spiritual image of love, kindness, mercy, and forgiveness. In this sense, the respondent’s belief is not that far from the traditional Judeo-Christian-Islamic philosophy after all.

I've just posted my reflections from the past three months. They explore some of the themes that emerged from the experiences shared by generous contributers.

I will be continuing the site, so keep the wonderful comments, opinions, links, stories, thoughts, and support coming!

Much appreciation,

Spiritual Youth

A 17 year old female speaks out about her diminished feelings toward her faith.

I gave up on religion a long time ago. It’s funny because this year I took the same course, world religions. I wanted to understand all the religions, know how they work. But I don’t think any of them are true. Part of me likes to hope, but the other half knows that there is too much science in the world to kill all hopes and aspirations of religion. I admire those who have the strength to still believe.

I used to be a pretty good Christian. Pretty good in the sense that my parents forced me to go to church while they slept in on a Sunday morning. I always felt uncomfortable, the older I got the less sense the whole situation made. My church wasn’t very strict either, it was a United Christian Church, full of people with plenty of problems. I admit I probably did enjoy it for awhile, it got me out an about for awhile. But I guess it all changed when my brother moved home.

He’s an avid atheist and his jokes had a lasting impression. He believes in nothing at all… I’m not so sure I do, but I’ve lost most of my faith. I guess I’m not “strong enough.” I’ve had too many really shitty things happen to me to still believe that there is something greater and smarter above all of us. I accept spirituality, and the some of the ideas behind religion; being a good person and such. But the rituals and Sunday mornings most certainly are not for me.

There seems to be a common mentality demonstrated in this post, and other posts, connecting the presence of ‘bad’ in our life to the absence of a higher being. Misfortune occasionally causes one to question one’s religion, whether God is “doing His job,” or His very existence.

The key to loss of faith in many cases is endurance of unfortunate events. It is a common misconception that God’s existence equals a trouble-free life. Although, if one considers a fundamental teaching in many religions, one must suffer before achieving spiritual enlightenment. For example, think of Job’s suffering, Moses's exile, and Buddhist principals.

A 20 year old male addresses his struggle with spirituality with “amused skepticism.”

My parents are very open-minded and believe strongly in education, so from a young age I was supplied with all the books I wanted, and encouraged to explore any avenue of learning seemed interesting to me. This was perhaps one factor in my decision to abandon my Protestant faith at around the age of 12: Christianity had never resonated with me on an intellectual level, nor were my parents devout enough to inspire me with their own faith.  However, this was not the reason I first abandoned religion.

What happened was this. In Grade 1 I was doing so well in school that it was decided I would skip ahead to Grade 3 the following year. On the one hand this put me in a more enriched learning environment; on the other hand, now seen both as a "braniac" and as the runt of the class, I became my peers' main target of teasing and bullying.  This was bad enough on its own, but when puberty hit and I found that no females were remotely interested in me (as I was still at the bottom of the social ladder), I became extremely bitter. At first I begged God to improve my situation, then I became angry at his failure to answer my prayers, and at last I simply decided to abandon Christianity.

I explored several other religions. LaVeyan Satanism was a strong initial contender, by virtue of the fact that it was essentially opposite to Christianity. Moreover, my sister had been into Wicca for a few years at this point, which, though it didn't interest me in itself, led me to explore other magic-based faiths.  Most of my research was done online, though I did pick up a copy of the Satanic Bible at one point. Eventually, however, I settled on something between agnosticism and skeptical atheism. This did not cause any particular problems with my family; the only incident even approaching a dispute was my refusal to be confirmed into Christianity, to which my father finally conceded. Even when I went to a private high school that enforced mandatory chapel attendance, I encountered no resistance to my atheism, although I met each chapel service with sardonic irony and quiet defiance, refusing to bow my head during prayers and so forth.

Nevertheless, in Grade 11, several influences began to push me back toward spirituality.  In particular, as part of my Karate training, I read a number of classic martial arts texts, and began to encounter mentions of ch'i or ki energy, leading me to further research the more esoteric side of martial arts.  In the summer of 2002, I lurched suddenly and wholeheartedly into New Age. Crystal power, ascended masters, extraterrestrial presence on Earth – I believed it all without a second thought. At the same time, I discovered a number of online communities devoted to the development of psychic powers, which became a goal for me. My success in this, unfortunately, was limited.

All this went on for several months, but as my initial excitement and credulity waned, I began to feel increasing unrest.  It was reading a book over the winter break of 2002/2003 – Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance – that was the turning point.  ZAMM is written in such a way that it encourages the reader to think for himself: it frequently introduces philosophical problems and then leaves them aside for several pages, causing the reader to puzzle over what their solutions might be. The marked contrast with my usual mode of thinking at this time caused me to realize that I had let my faculty of reason and critical thought – in which I had previously prided myself – fall by the wayside as I gullibly consumed New Age writings. Disgusted at myself, I abandoned everything I thought I knew, right down to my own existence.

The following several months I can only describe as a mild psychotic break. At first, convinced that I did not actually exist, I fell into a nihilistic spiral, even social contact even online and severely damaging several of my close relationships.  I gradually came to admit the error of my logic, which coerced me back into the social sphere, but this nihilism only gave way to even more bizarre delusions.  At one point in 2003 I became convinced that there were enlightened beings outside the universe trying to help me escape from the material world, and I would go on random journeys through my hometown, guided by what I thought were faint psychic messages they were sending me. I finally regained control of myself around September of that year, when I attended university for the first time.

I was shaken up, to say the least, at such direct experience of what my psyche could convince itself to think. However, looking back, there were a few experiences I had difficulty explaining skeptically; and so, rather than retreat back to atheism, I cautiously continued forward along spiritual avenues. At about this time I discovered the work of Timothy Leary and his colleague Robert Anton Wilson, whose idea of psychological "reality tunnels" through which people perceive the world was the most rational worldviews I had ever encountered. Through them I returned to researching various traditions in ceremonial magic, though I would not actively begin practicing ceremonial magick until early in 2006.  Meanwhile, in 2004, I came upon the otherkin community – consisting of people who believe themselves to be nonhuman souls reincarnated as humans – and fell easily among their ranks. I would not consider myself to be otherkin until a number of months later, when I finally managed to confirm it to my satisfaction, but their brand of spirituality, consisting of the direct manipulation of subtle energies rather than a reliance on ritual and ceremony, particularly appealed to me.

What has gradually emerged, between late 2003 and the present day, is a highly syncretic and increasingly unusual belief system. The belief system I have developed is truly my own, which in a way was my goal all along. Ironically, this has led me to make peace with Christianity and other religions, which I now acknowledge as containing (or subtly encoding, in some cases) important spiritual truths, even if I do not practice any of them.

Due to the unusual nature of my beliefs, I encounter mixed reactions from people when I explain them. Some people crack light-hearted jokes; some argue; a precious few actually express interest and ask intelligent questions; but I have found that most commonly people will simply change the subject abruptly when I venture into "weird" territory. A few of this latter category, as I have later found out, have decided that I'm off my rocker, but are too tactful to say so to my face; I find this reaction amusing, to be honest, and it rarely bothers me except in cases where I hoped to develop a deeper relationship with that person. I have had good fortune thus far in avoiding truly hostile responses, but this may be due to the skeptical and self-effacing attitude I have toward my own beliefs.

As for the psychotic break – I believe that everyone must go through some kind of trauma before they choose a faith that is truly their own. R.A. Wilson (whom I mentioned earlier) uses an Arthurian analogy for this archetypical process, and calls it the Chapel Perilous: people stumble into Chapel Perilous when, due to some traumatic event, they find they no longer know what to believe. They spend anywhere from a few days to a few years wandering through the Chapel, having a variety of strange experiences. Over time most of them move away from Chapel Perilous and find some other dogmatic faith, though one-time visitors of the Chapel are more likely to return periodically; but a few, like myself, stay nearby or even take up residence, exploring various worldviews, but regarding them all – religious or otherwise – with amused skepticism.

Through his journey of religious disappointments, there seems to be an intrinsic desire that provides him with drive to continue to seek a spiritual connection. Interestingly, during his journey through “weird territory,” he chooses not to explore Eastern religions such as Buddhism, Hinduism, and Zen. Clearly, he has a connection to spirituality, but not to the conventional structure of religion. For this person, the way he was taught Christianity was to expect specific answers to specific prayers, almost like a transaction. When his prayer was not specifically and literally answered, the basis of his youthful faith was put in jeopardy. Does God in fact answer prayer? If so, then how are these answers manifested? In the case of this responder, he prayed to improve his social situation. Perhaps ironically, his journey was the answer to his prayer.

A 22 year old male shares his perception of organized religion and his connection with “Cultural Judaism”:

I was born and raised as a Jew, though I don't think I've ever been very good at it.  I had a Bris when I was a baby and a Bar Mitzvah when I was thirteen, in Israel no less.  I have family in Israel and visited them every summer until I turned eighteen.  I sang the four questions at Passover and read the prayers at Hannukah (and can spell it right).  To some extents, though, that's as far as my being religious goes.  Sure I have read the Old Testament once, and I keep kosher for Passover, but I have never fasted for Yom Kippur (I tried once and cheated with a Rice Krispy Treat), and my favorite fast food sandwich is a bacon cheeseburger (two taboos in one!).  The term I use to describe myself is a "Cultural Jew".  I recognize that Judaism is in my blood.  My mother is Jewish.  My father was Jewish.  Though I don't consider the Bible to be a true source of history, I recognize that many of the stories probably have some truth to them, and as such date my people back to slavery in Egypt and beyond.  It is for that reason that I keep kosher for Passover – as opposed to other rules about Jewish diet, eating unleavened bread is a tradition chosen by the Jewish people to remember the hardships of our past.  In my opinion, this is greatly different than "God says don't eat pork".  Personally, I hate organized religion. As far as I'm concerned, the concept religion was formed for two reasons: To explain what could not be explained with science of the time and to control the masses.  Today science explains almost everything that we don't naturally understand (and in the process butted heads with religion on numerous occasions) and laws control the masses (at least as much as religion does).  Granted people argue that it is due to religion that the laws we use exist, after all, "Thou shall not kill" was in the bible before it was in the United States code of laws.  But, when we come down to the did God make man or did man make God argument, it can be seen that the laws that pretty much every religion shares come from the same basic principle:

Be good to your fellow man.

It doesn't matter if the law is "Thou shall not kill" or "Do not covet thy neighbor's wife" or "Honor thy mother and father".  It all comes down to mankind acting civilized to others.  But at the same time, here comes the paradox of religion.  George Carlin said it best when he stated:

Murder. But when you think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason. All you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, Cashmire, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the World Trade Center to see how seriously the religious folks take thou shalt not kill. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who's doin the killin' and who's gettin' killed.

He ultimately rewrites the commandment as, "Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you."  It is for this reason primarily (there are others) that I feel that religion does more harm than good.  I do see a place for religion.  People need something to believe in, something to give them hope in dark times.  But I don't think religion does that.  People say that "God helps those that help themselves" but many devout expect their Lords and their Saviors to deliver them from dispair.  Religion has turned into a crutch instead of a motivator.  After all how can anyone be motivated by religion when apparently some religions think that God needs everyone to mail in a check for $20.

There seems to be another form of connection within religious identification. Some believe in nothing, while others believe in a God that creates, guides, judges, and watches over us. There are also those who fulfil their spiritual needs without necessarily believing in a higher being. Here, the contributor describes his connection with Jewish tradition through his family practices rather than from a personal belief in God, or a desire to follow a prescribed religious dogma. Culture and tradition are additional ways to “bind together.”

A 15 year old male expresses his feelings and strong religious conviction.

I am a practising Catholic and intend to continue my practice up until the day I die. I have been educated by Catholic schools all my life. I have a firm belief in God and I have never had any significant doubts about my faith, only questions that have been answered. As much as the media will say otherwise, existentialist philosophies and scientific arguments do not justify the ultimate question: Where do we all come from? I do not claim to be a theological expert, but I have read more than the average person, and the only satisfactory answer I have found comes from St. Thomas Aquinas' Summa Theologica. Even if the scientific theory of "chaos" is to be believed, what could have started that chaos? St. Thomas says that there must have been an original mover to put all things in motion, and that mover is God.

To paraphrase John Adams, government cannot be good without virtue, and virtue is rooted in religion. Throughout my years associating with different people, I can see that he was very wise. Although I claim to be nothing close to perfect, I have realized that my faith has helped me in moral dilemmas, both direct and indirect. This does not mean that atheists are worse than me. What it does mean is that with me, the values that have been instilled in me with the aid of faith have helped me become a more virtuous person.

By reading and listening to Scripture and priests, I further understand what it means to be a good person, and how to live a good life. Many people misunderstand the Roman Catholic faith. We do not view things as black and white, and those who do are a minority. There is an intellectual element to our faith that not many know of. We are not fundamentalists who believe that every single word of The Bible is literal truth and all sinners are going to hell. People are imperfect, but there is beauty to our imperfections that is so often overlooked. As a people, we are diverse, exciting, and intriguing.

This post further explores the relationship between knowledge and religion. Two previous posts have explored the same idea: one strengthening faith, and one weakening faith. To this respondent, his faith acts as a moral compass that provides guidance and brings clarity to dilemmas that he faces in life. The knowledge that he has acquired enables him to develop a more subtle and nuanced understanding of Catholicism. This allows him to function in an imperfect world.

A 17 year old male comments on being devout.

About my religion, I am Eastern European Catholic (or Ukrainian Catholic for short) and I am a very religious fellow. I attend mass every Sunday, haven’t missed one for a while. I am a strong believer in God and the afterlife (a.k.a. heaven or the good feeling equivalent to heaven, and the basement of fire most people like to call hell). I haven’t had any extreme religious experiences, but I do feel like when I don’t pray or lack faith in God, times don’t go as well as they could. My patron saint is saint Andrew and his day is November 30th. I don’t always celebrate, but if I feel like celebrating, it gives me another reason to do so. One of the many things I love about being Ukrainian Catholic is that I am allowed to celebrate Easter, Christmas and New Year twice (once for the old calendar and once for the new).

Does the strength of ones belief in God or frequency of prayer determine everyday outcomes? Is there a greater being that listens to even trivial prayers (e.g. please God, let me catch the bus)? Alternatively, do people who are strongly spiritual or religious have an optimistic and positive outlook that helps to create beneficial results? If so, then perhaps there is something advantageous about being spiritual, irrespective of the question of a greater being or ultimate judgement.

A 23 year old male discusses his fundamentalist Christian upbringing and how it affects his beliefs and spirituality today.

I was born into a church going family and attended a Protestant congregational church on Sundays which is not so uncommon. … I also frequented a Roman Catholic elementary school. Beginning from the age of eight I spent a portion of my summers at a bible camp over the course of nearly a decade and eventually even served as a junior counsellor there. It was around nine or ten that I went through the formal established process of becoming a bona fide “born again” Christian and then properly embraced the faith and became incredibly conscientious of it. I strove to fulfill my expected duties and witnessed to those around me. (As someone who was ensconced within Christianity, I believe it to be the worst offender among religions for targeting potential converts.) I continued to be a regular member of a Baptist youth group until my less than novel fall from grace.

My loss of faith was due, in most part, to my very unrealistic and impossible expectations of a religion that is based on the grace and decency of people. I expected so much because I was promised no less. I was led to believe that this institution was without flaw and its followers so steadfast and reliable that it and they could consistently be depended on for support. This turned out not to be true. This was a mistake on my part.

The standards that religion puts on itself are unreasonable. It is absurd to believe that a person, being imperfect, can adhere to a code without fail. Of course religion will tell you this but only in less than explicit ways. Naturally people do stumble and stray from “the path”. A religious collective is in fear, more than anything else, of shame coming upon their faith or of being discredited. Great pains are taken to conceal any misconduct. It is discovered none the less and because the religion is promoted as being infallible you become horribly disillusioned and embittered. You begin to resent the religion and are no longer blind to its hypocrisy. And so many of my contemporaries within the Christian community failed and betrayed me. They were not as faithful to me as they professed and I was done many a wrong turn.

Unfortunately what religion also does is alienate you from everyone who is not one of “the faithful”.

In order to find any gratifying social interaction or sense of camaraderie one can look no further than his religious circle. You are expected to exemplify what it means to be a Christian in every way that you behave when among others which can be very imposing to people who do not share your devotion. Religion can manifest itself in the form of social leprosy. You begin to exist within society in a very awkward way, on the fringe of society and popular, secular culture which can make things difficult. The human device of religion is indeed a select group of people within a sub-society and incredibly elitist. It becomes difficult to identify or relate to other people.

To further complicate things, religion begets competition within its own centre. It is an environment where posturing and raising ones profile as a devout follower becomes top priority. It’s regarded as a contest not only to show yourself as being in greater favour with God but also to expose the lapse in piety of others. Spiritual pursuits should be an enlightening, liberating experience. Organized religion has fallen well short of that ideal. Two fairly plausible contentions are that many religions that exist today either were originated for the purpose of controlling a populace or motivated by material greed. A religious establishment can be a very lucrative enterprise.

I do believe in a governing force that guides this universe and that there is something beyond this physical world. I am by no means a person of an atheistic disposition and I like to believe that I have a highly developed spiritual centre.

"Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, men cannot live without a spiritual life."
Siddhartha Buddha

I think a fine way of approaching religion would be to see your particular discipline as a means to enrich your own life but not something that needs to be adopted by all the denizens of the earth. I don’t mean to illegitimize or diminish religion to a simple distraction because it is certainly more than that, but it need not be the single means of redeeming the world.

Religion, as defined by me, is a highly formal, ritualized method of expressing one’s faith, but is not necessarily needed to have a personal relationship with the divine or to achieve a deeper spiritual understanding.

He describes a social stigma that he experienced in his fundamentalist Christian community. He found that there were too many pressures to conform to the ideology of this particular branch of Christianity. When he discovered that people did not live up to the “unrealistic and impossible expectations,” he became jaded and disillusioned. Religions set standards of behaviour, attitude, and moral philosophy. The fundamental flaw of Fundamentalism is when the standards are so high that they are unachievable by ordinary people. Many lose hope, ultimately leaving the faith, although not necessarily giving up belief and spirituality.

A 19 year old Christian male of the Presbyterian denomination writes about finding his connection to his faith.

Through the ages of 3 through 15, I was ritualistically dragged to a United Church by my parents and I never thought much of it. I was almost completely indifferent to the whole thing, but went through with all the motions for the sake of my parents, who were of some note in the organization of the church. I was baptized as a youth, and confirmed without really understanding exactly what was going on. After this milestone was reached by my brothers as well, we went with far less gusto or frequency then we had before. Was the whole point of Christianity to make sure via ritual that we were all earmarked for Heaven? I was pretty confused by that. A few years later, a friend of mine invited me to her church, and I went almost exclusively because I had heard the worship band was really good. They were, yes, but more importantly, the Pastor there really touched me and my understanding of Christianity really took off and I got it. Now I understand it's not about going anywhere or doing the right rituals and practices, it's having faith, pure and simple, and with that it's easy to be comfortable with religion.

It seems to me that an important aspect is to find some personal connection through which an individual can relate to their faith. I know of people who experience their faith through dance, meditation, singing, and visual arts. These are all embodied, visceral practices; none of them are cold, objective logic. Perhaps faith is a creative act.

A 19 year old male discusses his disillusionment regarding religion, violence, and money.

Where to begin with religion? For my entire life I have been a Catholic (largest sect of Christianity and dominant religion in the Western world). I was taught Catholic morals and ethics from the time I was but a wee lad up until I was around 15. Then came high school. The world changed for me. I heard new expressions of beliefs and was told at some points to stop taking the Lord’s name in vain. I was a bit shocked and apologized. The first few years were a dark period. I felt as if God had turned his back on me and for the most part I questioned my faith. I stopped attending mass solely because the new priest was a jackass.

In grade 10, a person I had known since I was about 9 committed suicide. It was an eye opener to what Catholicism really means. People interpret it as how they want to. As well, the priest was a real jackass about his death and kept referring to his suicide. As I looked over to his family, I could see his mother falling apart more and more each time she heard that word “suicide.”

For the most part after that I stopped going to church full time and stopped caring about what I did. Then in grade 12 last year, another friend died in a tragic car accident. His funeral was the following Monday in which almost the entire school attended. The church was absolutely packed and it got me thinking about why God had taken him, but that same priest kept saying how the Lord did not take him… Hmmm then why did he die, is what I kept asking. But the way I saw the school come together to support his family was a bit astounding; [it] made me see that Christianity in all forms can bring people together into a common area to grieve for a fallen friend.

A small sect of my school has fallen into atheistic views. I saw myself falling towards that group but I still had some belief that God was up there and this was just part of the master plan. …

Somewhere along the sands of time, religion was twisted around to only benefit the rich and powerful while the poor are weak and damned. I for one am a capitalist. I can admit it. I care about money a lot. I want to be rich and powerful. I know I am a bit hypocritical and I know there is nothing I can do to change this. But I wish that the future generations change this point of view in which there is no turmoil over religions. What makes it any better for one person to kill another over religion? Does it not teach that a person should live in prosperity with neighbours and to share? Apparently that view went out the window a long with the rest of the morals. As long as there is religion in this world of ours, there will never be peace. In the end of all this fighting, nobody will win. We need to stop and re-evaluate ourselves … before it’s far too late.

I find it interesting that there is common emerging theme of questioning faith when someone passes away. He is also questioning his faith because of the contradictions he sees between religious morality and enacted reality. The traditional religions preach peace, love, understanding, tolerance, and compassion. However, religion is too often used to justify violence, aggression, and the erosion of human dignity. Many religions have as one of their foundations the principle of charity. But what is charity? Charity in a religious sense means giving money to those less privileged for their sustenance. The Church’s role was to act as an institution to redistribute wealth. Today, there are some lavish, extraordinarily expensive places of worship that are run more like a business than a charity. This is not new; there are many lavish cathedrals throughout Europe that exemplify the relationship between faith and finance. Modern youth notice these hypocrisies, and have trouble trying to make sense of what is said versus what is done.

I find this ironic considering the word ‘religion’ originates from the Latin root ‘religio’ meaning “to bind together.” Its seems that in many cases throughout history, religion is tearing people apart.

A 16 year old female describes her skeptism regarding organized western religions.

My mother was raised a Unitarian, and my father United. Neither of them kept up with their religion, I think my mom's family mostly went to church for its community involvement. So religion was never a part of my upbringing, however I was always aware of it, as my paternal grandparents are very involved in their church. I always feel uncomfortable when we are expected to say grace at family dinners with them. They are evidently unaware that our beliefs are not mutual. I've always been skeptical of religion, Christianity in particular, since it's what I've been most exposed to. The concept of God has never appealed to me, and I don't think that there have been any instances in my life where believing in a god would have comforted or helped me. I do believe that one can be spiritual and not have religion as a part of their life. When I was around 13, my friends and I thought we would become Wiccans. We took it seriously, but it proved to be a phase. I am also taking a world religions course (gr. 11) and out of all the religions we have studied (African and Native American religions, Hinduism, Jainism, Sikhism, Budhism, Judaism, Christianity and Islam,) I have most identified with the the animistic Native and African religions and Budhism. I have huuuuge problems with people who make derogatory comments about religions (other than Christianity). Most people have absolutely no knowledge of eastern religions, or any for that matter, and still make assumptions and generalizations and say stupid things. If anything, I guess nature takes the place of religion in my life. So maybe that's what I 'concentrate' on.

She states that "one can be spiritual and not have religion as a part of their life" and "nature takes the place of religion" in her life. But what does it really mean to be spiritual? In addition to a connection with something mystical, or a belief in God, can it include something within yourself?

A 24 year old male discusses his fascinating spiritual journey from Atheism, to Buddhism, to Judaism. 

Until the age of 19 years old, I was a staunch Atheist. [I believed] the one thing for me to do in this existence is to try to be happy, it doesn't matter how I achieve that happiness even at the expense of someone else. … Just prior to my 19th birthday, I had what our western secular psychologists would call a nervous breakdown and what eastern mystics would refer to as a revelation. … My perception of reality was forever shattered from that moment onward…By a strange twist of fate shortly after the millennium new year. I almost literally fell into the topic of Buddhism. Being Jewish with a poor, almost non-existent understanding of what Judaism is really about, … I was fascinated by the philosophies I was ‘re’discovering within the context of Buddhism. I truly felt as though my thoughts since youth had been printed out not just in a single book, but had been expanded and expounded by an entire religious/spiritual path.

I quickly began implementing the 'spiritual technology' that I was learning from various Buddhist books, and taught myself how to meditate, of course based on instruction from these books. Shortly afterward (fall of 2000), I headed to Nepal and India to further explore the depths of these teachings.
Now equipped with a firm understanding of the nature of karma, it only made sense that upon my return home (Toronto, spring of 2001) I would start exploring the deeper reasons for my given identity in this world: a Jewish boy, born and raised in Toronto by a Jewish family in a Jewish neighbourhood, with moderately religious grandparents on my fathers side.

Shortly after my return from Nepal and India, I enrolled in a Kabbalah course and began learning about Jewish spirituality and philosophy. I was struck by the similarities (l'havdil) between the deeper Buddhist philosophies and Judaism, I really could not believe that Judaism had such depth of logic and thought.

I continued learning about Jewish spirituality for several years, however I lacked belief in G-d and this began to be a very frustrating point. Why should I become a religiously observant Jew when I have a perfectly good path in Buddhism? If there is no G-d but only an underlying spiritual existence in this world, why be obligated by the stringencies of an observant Jewish life when I could simply return to India where I could be surrounded by 'spiritual' people and continue meditating to deeper and deeper levels? …

This is where Aish HaTorah [literally, “Fire of the Torah” – Jewish law – an organization devoted to educating Jews on rediscovering their faith through learning and knowledge] stepped into my life. In the fall of 2003, I went to see their 'Discovery' presentation where they cover various topics on the legitimacy and divinity of the Torah and its author, G-d.

I began learning about these 'proofs' and reading up on the 'evidence' for the viability of this claim. Shortly afterward, I went directly to Israel to their Jerusalem head office where I was able to discuss my questions with their leading rabbis on the topic. They gave me the intellectual information. I acquired the knowledge … 

The knowledge of the mind must be converted into the emotions of the heart, otherwise life’s insights and realities are all for naught. It was precisely this emotional conversion in the summer of 2004 that finally led to my conclusion that I believed in G-d and would for the rest of my life be devoted to serving that G-d to the best of my ability. I officially became an observant Jew.

In contrast to this previous post, this story describes how increased knowledge leads to increased faith. I find it interesting that he discovers mystical parallels between Buddhism and Judaism through Kabbalah. Even more interesting, is how this very long path led him back to his roots. Maybe there is something to say about karma.

A 25-year-old female writes about the spiritual principles that she learned by living as a Hindu.

I am a Hindu, from India. I come from a country where spirituality is like the life blood of a nation, connecting thousands, millions of people across myriad races, ethnicities, and ironically even religions. We fight over it, obsess over it, rejoice over it and sometimes are divided by it.

I have been brought up on vedantic principles by deeply spiritual (I prefer that to religious here) parents. My spirituality has been a constant source of inspiration for me- it is a constant reminder to me that I am not merely this body; that the human life represents infinite potential and it is the goal of every life to attain that potential. For me all of religion and all of spirituality is ensconced in this one story told by Swami [teacher] Vivekananda:
Several droplets in a cloud were conversing with one another, each asking the other where they would want to fall once the cloud began to rain. One laughed and said, “I would like to fall in a fresh water stream, cool, clear and bubbling”; “Another said, “I would like to fall on a rose petal, soft and welcoming.” And so on and so forth. One droplet sat quietly aside till the others pestered him into answering, “Where would you fall?” The droplet answered, “I would like to fall on the sand in the blazing hot desert”. The others shocked, exclaimed, “But you will instantly vaporize in pain!!” The single droplet answered, “I know, but if for that moment that one grain of sand feel relief, my purpose is served.”

I don’t think I have told the story verbatim, and am quite the certain the Swami told it better. But that to me is the essence of Hinduism, of all spirituality. And in my very very very limited way, I try and put that into practice.

 What strikes me about this is the selflessness, that is exemplified by this teaching in Hinduism. It feels like a different approach than in the Abrahamic religions (Christianity, Judaism, Islam) where the basic maxim is "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." In doing good, there is a motive that others will do good to you. In contrast, the Swami's teaching suggests that doing good is the purpose in itself.

A 16 year old female experiences difficulty with her faith. Is it because her relationship with the Church is out of obligation to her more religious relatives? 

So personally I grew up fairly religious. My grandfather was a minister and I went to his church every Sunday. After he retired, my family stopped going to church. Now we only go sometimes on Easter and Christmas. My grandma still goes to church, as do my aunt and uncle. I think it's interesting that while my grandfather was a minister we went to church. Personally I think my family goes to church when we feel like we have to. We feel the pressure of our more religious family to go to church. Through family I have learned respect for our religion, but have lost some belief. Personally, I find it hard to believe the idea of a "greater being". I find it hard to believe that "GOD" would let someone as true and honest as my God-fearing Grandfather die of a stupid disease like cancer. I like the idea of there being a heaven. I like thinking my loved ones who have died are happy and can see me going on with my life. But I read a lot, and with reading comes knowledge, and with knowledge comes loss in faith. I just want to believe there is a happy ending. I want to believe really badly, but I find it really difficult sometimes.

 

Just to sum up, my family has instilled a lot of "Christian" faith in me. I know to be respectful in a church, say grace at dinner etc. But I'm still missing a lot of true belief.

It is a question that challenges one's faith: Why do bad things happen to good people? Does knowledge really contribute to a loss of belief?

This is the culminating project for my World Religions course. I am collecting personal accounts and perspectives of people between the ages of 12 and 25 about how they are individually affected by their experiences of religion and spirituality. I am trying to find connections, similarities, and differences among youth from as many different religions and forms of belief as possible. I’ll be posting excerpts from the responses I receive, plus my analysis, comparisons, and my own reflections.

How have your, or other people’s, beliefs affected you?

Have you had a spiritual experience that has changed your life?

Have you ever struggled with religious identity?

Have you ever faced problems because of your beliefs or practice?

If you have lost your faith, is there a way in which you still connect with the spiritual?

Please send me your reflections, stories, and thoughts on these questions or any other topics that you think would be important to share. Pictures that reflect your religious practice are also encouraged.

I will not disclose your name or contact information, but I will use your age, gender, and religion.