A Long Journey Home

A 24 year old male discusses his fascinating spiritual journey from Atheism, to Buddhism, to Judaism. 

Until the age of 19 years old, I was a staunch Atheist. [I believed] the one thing for me to do in this existence is to try to be happy, it doesn't matter how I achieve that happiness even at the expense of someone else. … Just prior to my 19th birthday, I had what our western secular psychologists would call a nervous breakdown and what eastern mystics would refer to as a revelation. … My perception of reality was forever shattered from that moment onward…By a strange twist of fate shortly after the millennium new year. I almost literally fell into the topic of Buddhism. Being Jewish with a poor, almost non-existent understanding of what Judaism is really about, … I was fascinated by the philosophies I was ‘re’discovering within the context of Buddhism. I truly felt as though my thoughts since youth had been printed out not just in a single book, but had been expanded and expounded by an entire religious/spiritual path.

I quickly began implementing the 'spiritual technology' that I was learning from various Buddhist books, and taught myself how to meditate, of course based on instruction from these books. Shortly afterward (fall of 2000), I headed to Nepal and India to further explore the depths of these teachings.
Now equipped with a firm understanding of the nature of karma, it only made sense that upon my return home (Toronto, spring of 2001) I would start exploring the deeper reasons for my given identity in this world: a Jewish boy, born and raised in Toronto by a Jewish family in a Jewish neighbourhood, with moderately religious grandparents on my fathers side.

Shortly after my return from Nepal and India, I enrolled in a Kabbalah course and began learning about Jewish spirituality and philosophy. I was struck by the similarities (l'havdil) between the deeper Buddhist philosophies and Judaism, I really could not believe that Judaism had such depth of logic and thought.

I continued learning about Jewish spirituality for several years, however I lacked belief in G-d and this began to be a very frustrating point. Why should I become a religiously observant Jew when I have a perfectly good path in Buddhism? If there is no G-d but only an underlying spiritual existence in this world, why be obligated by the stringencies of an observant Jewish life when I could simply return to India where I could be surrounded by 'spiritual' people and continue meditating to deeper and deeper levels? …

This is where Aish HaTorah [literally, “Fire of the Torah” – Jewish law – an organization devoted to educating Jews on rediscovering their faith through learning and knowledge] stepped into my life. In the fall of 2003, I went to see their 'Discovery' presentation where they cover various topics on the legitimacy and divinity of the Torah and its author, G-d.

I began learning about these 'proofs' and reading up on the 'evidence' for the viability of this claim. Shortly afterward, I went directly to Israel to their Jerusalem head office where I was able to discuss my questions with their leading rabbis on the topic. They gave me the intellectual information. I acquired the knowledge … 

The knowledge of the mind must be converted into the emotions of the heart, otherwise life’s insights and realities are all for naught. It was precisely this emotional conversion in the summer of 2004 that finally led to my conclusion that I believed in G-d and would for the rest of my life be devoted to serving that G-d to the best of my ability. I officially became an observant Jew.

In contrast to this previous post, this story describes how increased knowledge leads to increased faith. I find it interesting that he discovers mystical parallels between Buddhism and Judaism through Kabbalah. Even more interesting, is how this very long path led him back to his roots. Maybe there is something to say about karma.

Explore posts in the same categories: Atheism, Buddhism, Judaism, Kabbalah